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Posted on 11/27/13 10:40:41 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 11-28-2013 04:59 AM

Award Log:


#170 - 1st Poster - Alexochol - 2 Reputation Points
#171 - 2nd Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)](84303728) - 2 Reputation Points
#172 - 3rd Poster - Lordy Lord - 2 Reputation Points
#173 - 4th Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)](18315280) - 2 Reputation Points
#174 - 5th Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Frosty460 - 2 Reputation Points
# Best Joke - #174 -  [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Frosty460 -  2 Karma + 4 Reputation Points ( Consumer Selection )
# Best Joke - #174 - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Frosty460  - 2 Karma + 4 Repuation Points  ( IGG Selection )


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Posted on 11/28/13 4:30:22 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A very old couple wanted to have children, so they went to their doctor and told him their problem. The doctor gave the couple a tiny jar and told them to fill it up. About a week later, the couple came back.
"I tried with my right hand until it gave out, and I tried with my left hand until it gave out," said the man.
"And I tried with both hands until they gave out," said the woman. "And we still can't get the lid off the jar."

Posted on 11/28/13 1:53:12 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, "Mom am I a real polar bear?" "Of course you are." His mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father. "Dad, am I a real polar bear?" "Yes, you are a real polar bear." A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?" "Yes" said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are all my relatives real polar bears?" "Yes, they are all real polar bears." Said his parents. "Why do you ask?" replied his mother. "Because," said the young polar bear, "I'm Bloody Freezing!

Posted on 11/28/13 7:32:19 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A blond is siting at the kitchen table working on a jigsaw puzzle.

She is have a hard time and was getting frustrated and about to give up.

As a last resort she decided to call her boyfriend and ask him to help her.

She dials his number and than she told him the story of this jigsaw puzzle.

The boy friend said "its really hard to help you with a jigsaw puzzle over the phone"

She replied.  "its a rooster"

The boyfriend said "maybe its best i just come over"

When the boyfriend arrived and saw the kitchen table, he held her hand and said.

"lets put the cereal back and watch some tv"

Posted on 11/28/13 9:51:09 PM | Show thread starter's posts only


Posted on 11/28/13 11:06:05 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding the perfect turkey, specifically one with more legs to satisfy his family's preference for dark meat. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was telling his friends about his recent success.
"Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!"
His friends all asked the farmer how it tasted.
I don't know," said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

Posted on 11/29/13 1:31:25 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 11-29-2013 02:26 PM


#176 - 1st Poster  - Lordy Lord - 2 Reputation Points
#177 - 2nd Poster - Frosty460 - 2 Reputation Points
#178 - 3rd Poster - c39836703 - 2 Reputation Points
#179 - 4th Poster - (84303728) - 2 Reputation Points
#178 - Best Joke - c39836703 - 2 Karma + 4 Reputation
no consumer's choice awarded as no consumer points were givien


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Posted on 11/29/13 2:48:12 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before". So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!". The lion abruptly stops and says " woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together". So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."

Posted on 11/29/13 2:48:14 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by alexcohol at 11-29-2013 01:50 AM

Double post

Posted on 11/29/13 7:43:33 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Not really a joke. This did tickle me though ;P


Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.