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[Off-Topic] KARMA LAUGH-OFF

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#261
Posted on 12/3/13 2:02:19 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move -- I'll be right back."
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?" Then the man said, "I hiccupped."

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#262
Posted on 12/3/13 2:17:14 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"

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#263
Posted on 12/3/13 10:53:15 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." ;P

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#264
Posted on 12/4/13 1:21:19 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 12-4-2013 02:32 AM

11-03-13

#201 - 1st Poster  - Lordy Lord - 2 Reputation Points
#202 - 2nd Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Frosty460 - 2 Reputation Points
#203 - 3rd Poster - DarkMistry - 2 Reputation Points
#202 -  Best Joke - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Frosty460 -  2 Karma + 4 Reputation Points ( Consumer Selection )
#203 -  Best Joke - DarkMistry  -  2 Karma + 4 Repuation Points ( IGG Selection )

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#265
Posted on 12/4/13 11:26:28 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

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#266
Posted on 12/4/13 12:40:07 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

little johnny goes 2 da pub and spots a sexy blonde standing at da bar. so he walks up and saids would u like some sex and the blonde saids no i cant im on my menstrel cycle. little johnny saids good im on me scooter i'll follow ya home.

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#267
Posted on 12/4/13 12:53:23 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

little johnny's on his way home from school on da bus as he gets off his mum is standing there waiting 4 him and she saids hello johnny wat did u learn at school 2day.
johnny replies i learnt da word masturbation mum. she goes ahh thats a mouthful and little johnny saids nah thats a headjob.

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#268
Posted on 12/4/13 1:04:39 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

i went to this party and they said it was byo liquor so i took my dog

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#269
Posted on 12/4/13 1:17:43 PM | Show thread starter's posts only


2 pregnant fat ladies knitting at a bus stop 1 lady turns to the other and saids i hope i have a girl because i only got pink wool the other lady saids i hope i have a spastic why a spastic da other lady saids ohh because i just stuffed up da sleeve


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#270
Posted on 12/4/13 1:35:42 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

wats got 90 balls and screws old ladies.BINGO

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