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[Off-Topic] KARMA LAUGH-OFF

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#301
Posted on 12/11/13 12:28:30 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 12-11-2013 06:54 AM

12-10-13

#228 - 1st Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Aniket Puri - 2 Reputation Points
#229 - 2nd Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Aniket Puri - 2 Reputation Points
#230 - 3rd Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Aniket Puri - 2 Reputation Points
#231 - 4th Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Aniket Puri - 2 Reputation Points
#232 - 5th Poster - Lordy Lord - 2 Reputation Points
#230 - Best Joke - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Aniket Puri - 2 Karma + 4 Reputation Points ( IGG Selection )
no consumer's choice awarded as no consumer points were givien  

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#302
Posted on 12/11/13 8:39:43 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 12-12-2013 06:21 AM

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

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#303
Posted on 12/11/13 10:19:02 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".

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#304
Posted on 12/11/13 1:31:20 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 12-12-2013 06:32 AM

There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, "How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the butt?"

After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course, and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring, he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good time to be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he had to think of something quick because he wasn't going to outrun the lion.

Just then the gorilla saw a hunter's tent and ducked inside to hide.

The hunter, reading the paper, was startled and ran out of the tent. The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter's shirt and hat, and started to read the paper.

A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunter reading the paper, said, "Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in here?"

From behind the paper the gorilla answered, "You mean the one that screwed the lion in the butt?"

Flabbergasted, the lion said, "Holy Crap! It's in the paper already?

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#305
Posted on 12/11/13 1:36:05 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

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#306
Posted on 12/12/13 5:15:41 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 12-12-2013 08:06 AM

12-11-13

#233 - 1st Poster - intimidatingjay - 2 Reputation Points
#235 - 2nd Poster - Lordy Lord - 2 Reputation Points
#236 - 3rd Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]intimidatingjay - 2 Reputation Points
#237 - 4th Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Frosty460 - 2 Reputation Points
#238 - 5th Poster - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]intimidatingjay - 2 Reputation Points  
#236 - Best Joke - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]Lordy Lord - 2 Karma + 4 Reputation Points ( Consumer Selection )
#233 - Best Joke - [backcolor=rgb(229, 237, 242)]intimidatingjay - 2 Karma + 4 Reputation Points ( IGG Selection )

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#307
Posted on 12/12/13 11:14:09 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''     

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#308
Posted on 12/12/13 11:18:22 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

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#309
Posted on 12/12/13 12:14:14 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

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#310
Posted on 12/12/13 3:39:53 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

your mama got a eye on her knee and they call her neicy

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