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Posted on 11/6/13 5:59:33 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Falling off the roof, Nasreddin Hodja breaks his foot. His friends say:
- "Hodja, we perfectly understand how you feel; your foot must be hurting a lot." Hodja retorts:
- "How could you ever? Get me somebody who has fallen off the roof; he would understand!

Posted on 11/6/13 6:05:35 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

rogones: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?

Bosque: Yes, of course.

Arogones: Great! I never could before!

Posted on 11/6/13 6:06:34 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

Posted on 11/6/13 6:06:57 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Teacher: Maria please show America on the map.

Maria: Here it is.

Teacher: Good. Then kid, who discovered America?

Class: Maria did ,teacher.

Posted on 11/6/13 6:09:09 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman.

The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.

“Go on,” said the Scot, “have another drink.”

The Englishman drank gratefully. “But don’t you want one, too?” he asked the Scotsman.

“Perhaps,” replied the Scotsman, “after the police have gone.”

Posted on 11/6/13 6:10:45 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

“Am I the first man you have ever loved?” John asked.

“Of course,” Linda answered “Why do men always ask the same question?”.

Posted on 11/6/13 6:13:30 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Ashly: I’m in a big trouble!

Jason: Why is that?

Ashly: I saw a mouse in my house!

Jason: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a mouse trap.

Ashly: I don’t have one.

Jason: Well then, buy one.

Ashly: Can’t afford one.

Jason: I can give you mine if you want.

Ashly: That sounds good.

Jason: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.

Ashly: I don’t have any cheese.

Jason: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.

Ashly: I don’t have oil.

Jason: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.

Ashly: I don’t have bread.

Jason: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

Posted on 11/6/13 6:16:34 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

The First 3 Years of Marriage

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen

Posted on 11/6/13 6:25:48 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Love is one long sweet dream, but marriage is the alarm clock.

Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man asks, “And how would you do that?”

The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and screams, “What are you doing?”

The woman answers, “I’m a light bulb.”

The boss then adds, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

The man begins to follow her and the boss shouts, “Where are you going?”

The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

Posted on 11/6/13 6:30:01 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by Mark Wellsbury at 11-6-2013 07:32 PM

what do you call a mushroom with 6 inch willy ans fungi to be with lol