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[Off-Topic] KARMA LAUGH-OFF

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#61
Posted on 11/6/13 10:32:54 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by k53997741g at 11-6-2013 10:50 AM

Borrowed...

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

Joey says, "To your house!"

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#62
Posted on 11/6/13 10:36:05 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by k53997741g at 11-6-2013 10:50 AM

Borrowed...

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

Joey says, "To your house!"

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#63
Posted on 11/6/13 11:40:20 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by (76094499) at 11-17-2013 12:45 PM

our phone rang late one night, and my wife Nancy picked it up. She said, "KitKat," and hung up.
"Who was that?"
"Some boy for Carolyn," she said, referring to our daughter.
"What now?" I asked.
"He plans to ask Carolyn to the prom and wanted to know what her favorite candy is. He's going to put the invitation into a candy basket."
The next morning a basket of candy was on our porch.
"But, Mom," our daughter protested when she heard the story, "KitKat isn't my favorite candy."
"I know," Nancy said. "It's mine."

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#64
Posted on 11/6/13 11:42:58 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Italian Tomato Garden

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Rocco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Rocco,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Rocco

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you, Rocco

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#65
Posted on 11/6/13 2:20:04 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

What do you call an elf who sings?  a wrapper!
:):D:P;P:lol

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#66
Posted on 11/6/13 2:34:21 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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#67
Posted on 11/6/13 2:58:45 PM | Show thread starter's posts only

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a
blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move
to economy since she did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York,
and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the
copilot to speak with the woman. The copilot went to talk with the
woman, asking her to move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
New York, and I'm not moving."
The copilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he
should do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle
this."
He went to the first class section and whispered into the blonde's
ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to
herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the copilot asked what he said to
her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New
York."

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#68
Posted on 11/7/13 12:10:55 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

by the why lemons are yellow?
they know that even
that's why they are so acidic.

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#69
Posted on 11/7/13 12:12:51 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

Edited by FirstLady2013 at 11-17-2013 03:30 PM

Rewards Log:

11-05-13 - Awarded

#2  -  1st poster - k53997741g - 2 reputation points
#2  -  Best Joke - k53997741g - 2 Karma + 4 Reputation points ( IGG Selection )
no other posters and no consumer selection awarded

11-06-13 - Awarded

#3  -  1st Poster - stephen torr(19067899) - 2 Reputation Points
#4  -  2nd Poster - RiyaSharma1 - 2 Reputation Points
#6  -  3rd Poster - Khalkedon Map - 2 Reputation Points
#7  -  4th Poster - kodo1(79821324) - 2 Reputation Points
#8  -  5th Poster - kodo3(79821702) - 2 Reputation Points
#32 - Best Joke  - Labrave Heart - 2 Karma +4 Reputation Points ( Participant's Choice )
#55 - Best Joke  -k53997741g - 2 Karma +4 Reputation Points ( IGG Choice )

*consumer points awarded after the day of submission willl not count towards awards.

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#70
Posted on 11/7/13 3:21:34 AM | Show thread starter's posts only

a man goes to the library and asks for a book about suicide. the librarian says"f*ck you!.you won't bring it back"

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